Comparing Yourself to Others
“Don’t compare yourself to others.” It’s a very common piece of advice, and I’ve seen many people give this with good intentions towards others. It is, unfortunately, impossible to do this if you have any sort of participation in society. I would not say people who give this piece of advice are hypocrites, because it is so deeply ingrained into the human condition, that it is impossible to escape it entirely.
There are “enlightened” folk who may claim to do this, but they will still do this on some level. Anyone who doesn’t compare themselves to others isn’t altruistically kind (unless this is Jesus Christ) but has something broken inside themselves. Their social instincts and even sense of self-preservation are broken.
Comparing yourself to someone else serves a function, whether you perceive them to be better or worse off than you. Even so-called enlightened gurus who allegedly don’t compare themselves to a specific person, have a vision of what kind of person they do not want to emulate, and one that they do. Unless someone is a hermit who has forgotten the graces and dynamics of social situations, they will always do this on some level.
I myself tend to become dissatisfied and feel maligned when someone who has clearly inferior skills to me on some level or is just a worse person overall has been handed something to them effortlessly. If someone is about as capable as I am, or even more so, then I don’t feel like this. This is my reaction to what I perceive to be an injustice towards me. In a broader sense, as long as there is disparity and injustice, which will be always, humans will always compare themselves.
This being said, there are constructive ways to do this comparison. It does not have to come from a position of loathing and envy, but an attitude of “what can I make sure that is not me?” It does not have to come from a position of pity and “I am glad that isn’t me” either. The first thing one should be to do this, is be honest with him or herself. It is easy to get caught up in certain emotions without recognizing why one feels that way.
Often times, the feeling is primal; there is no logical reason behind it. Is my reason for feeling like this good? Is this person attempting to slight me or has broken something between us? How close am I to them? This isn’t an exhaustive list, but if nothing else, it should help you let go of some more negative sentiments. You don’t have to like the person, but at the very least you should have less of a reason to be upset about it, unless they indeed have done something egregious enough to the point of betrayal.
One must also consider if he truly wants that thing that he is thinking of. It is only human nature to feel less satisfied with time after acquiring something, as badly as it may be. If this person possesses a trait, a relationship, or an item, imagine what you’d really want with it? Is the issue that you really want this, or rather, that the person you are upset about it does not deserve the things and ought to be deprived of them? Sometimes I think I wanted to achieve a certain thing, but upon reflecting about it, it was the gripping anticipation that ruled my emotions, rather than anything or anyone else.
They may have something they are jealous of that you may take for granted as well. Alternatively, it’s something you worked hard for but few would be aware of the effort you put behind it. You may never really know. I wouldn’t consider myself a role model at all, but there are people who would be envious of parts of my situation, even if I feel I have only a few things going for me – albeit important ones.
The main takeaway from this is that it’s only normal to compare yourself with others. However, getting too invested in this is generally harmful. It is more useful to approach this without too heavily investing one emotions, or to attempt to approach this from an outside perspective: an eagle eye view if you will. Our own troubles can blind our perspective, and that is the most dangerous thing about comparing yourself too heavily to others. It could cascade and lead to every little thing being matched against another one, leading down a rabbit hole of self-destructive seething.