Covfefevirus

Hey, did you get vaccinated against covfefevirus? It prevents you from becoming orange. Ok, it doesn’t really prevent you from becoming orange, it just makes it less likely that you’ll become orange, and is more likely to make you a shade of yellow than make you terminally orange. Orange people are a menace to society, even if they’ve lived they’ve lived their lives normally up to the point before the vaccine. Times are changing, and they need to adapt. Also, if you haven’t gotten the vaccine against covfefevirus, you should be treated like an orange person until proven otherwise.

Orange people who are skeptical don’t know what’s best for them. They really should just die for their insolence. Don’t let them inside the hospitals, they’ve had their chance. They had plenty of opportunities to prevent themselves from becoming orange. Covfefevirus is the greatest threat of our time. We’re all in this together, and if you don’t believe this is true, you should be ostracized and be left to die in the street if covfefevirus affects you. The common good is decided by the experts. Stop being anti-science. Just trust us and take our word for it. We want what’s best for you. Our government wants what’s best for you. The media wants what’s best for you. Pharmaceutical corporations wants what’s best for you.

Being orange doesn’t last forever, and it probably won’t kill you, statistically speaking. It’s still a major hazard though. Nobody should ever die from any sort of preventable virus. Their lifestyle choices are irrelevant as long as they get the vaccine to make it less likely that they become orange. Bodies are going to be piling up in the streets any day now. We need to halt the 4th wave in its tracks. We need plague doctors checking up on people if they’re orange, and make sure they’re inoculated against covfefevirus. Even if someone’s stopped being orange, they shouldn’t be allowed to participate in society until they get the needle to make sure that they may or may not be less likely to be orange again.

We’re an enlightened, progressive society. Everyone who doesn’t share what is the objectively correct opinion on covfefevirus by now should be killed. The narrative may have changed countless times and is inconsistent, but that’s just called fact-checking and improving our knowledge. Anyone who questions this is a conspiracy theorist who is selfish and only wants to undermine us. Only we’re interested in the truth, so we should be the only arbiters of it. We shouldn’t hold our own governments and institutions accountable for their incompetence. No, it’s the people who have gotten covfefevirus without the vaccine who are ultimately at fault.

To preserve our liberal society where fairness and equality is paramount, we need to start using coercion and impose harsh measures on people who are unconcerned about covfefevirus. It’s not tyranny or injustice at all; it’s for the greater good. Everyone needs to understand that. If people trusted the science more and followed their mandates to the letter, nothing unpredictable or out of our control would ever happen again. If everyone stayed inside for two weeks at the start, this would all be over by now. Instead, now most of us don’t feel safe leaving the house due to those selfish scum.

People should want to participate in our wonderful society no matter the cost. I couldn’t imagine that they wouldn’t, since it’s a net benefit. Exercising any sort of personal autonomy means nothing when given the chance to participate in our increasingly improving society. Yes, our material conditions may be stagnant, and spirituality and faith are dying. But that simply paves the road for the utopia that is to come. I can’t wait until covfefevirus is over and orange people are no more. Surely we’ll have a golden era, where all humanity’s mistakes are wiped clean.