What Does Friendship Mean Now?
I will preface this by saying that I’m grateful towards the Chudstack team for finally updating the mobile app to support writing posts on it. While it lacks some bells and whistles - I would seemingly have to log into a computer to add a thumbnail, for instance - there’s a whole other dynamic to where I now can choose to write and post when inspiration strikes me. It may not seem particularly important at first thought, and my typing speed is certainly somewhat slower on my phone, but there’s a potentially different mindset one develops while writing due to the psychological impact of their environment. For instance, I’m not drinking coffee while writing at my PC like I usually do, but drinking wine while sitting at a table while visiting family as they talk to each other. Something like sitting with my back to a tree in a park in the sun would also give a subtle impact to my tone and perhaps the content I write as well. Hopefully I don’t accidentally become too inebriated to form my thoughts coherently before finishing this.
Anyways, the forward is over. I thought I would give some perspective on what this change could mean for myself and others, and also so I can see later if the formatting turns out to be fucked up, aside from the obvious component of increased accessibility. I still fall into a groove while beginning to write one way or another.
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The increased interconnectivity of the internet being integrated into human socialization has either added an expansion of an existing dynamic, or added a new dimension to it, depending on who you ask. To me, it has essentially NOT redefined what friendship means, despite raising the bar for what constitutes friendship slightly higher in my own experience.
As a man, I’m pickier than most other males about what “friend” means, especially as I’ve grown older, along with being far more selective about who I associate with. I suppose part of this is down to previous experiences of finding others who I’d once consider friends unreliable and untrustworthy. Men in general are far more liberal about using the word “friend” than women. That it is not to say it is an invalid usage of the word, as inter-male dynamics are quite different than inter-female ones or between the sexes. That said, I have had someone who I was chummy with online who I used that word towards me who I talked with a good bit. Although I was obviously comfortable with him to talk to him this much in the first place, and was chummy with him on some level, I don’t think calling him a friend would be quite accurate despite being admittedly “friendly” towards one another; I’d rather call him a pal or a buddy, albeit this is semantics to some. We had a long conversation about this, which is unusual, as few people have conversations about whether they stand outside of a romantic context, especially in a purely platonic manner between males. With males, these dynamics tend to be shown rather than explained, unless someone is trying to demonstrate aggressive dominance - usually stemming from some level of insecurity because they feel the need to explain it.
That is not to say that I believe friendship or relationships that develop online are less valid or “real” at all; but rather, there is a missing aspect of reciprocity, mostly physical, that is harder to attain online compared to in real life. I do, however, think there is a higher bar for what constitutes friendship online compared to in real life. There are some people I would call a friend online without hesitation, even someone who I would call a best friend - I used to have a couple of people I would have called this in real life as well - but there is an element of reciprocity in both emotional connection and how you treat each other. It is harder for this dynamic to be realized online, but it is certainly possible. I’m a bit apprehensive to try anything with this mobile app at the moment and possibly erase my writing, as I don’t see a button to save as a draft, but I did write about this sort of thing in my article “The Semi-Parasocial Sphere”, which I would normally embed as a link. I suggest checking that out if you’re interested.
Even acknowledging the presence of another dynamic online, I would say what it means for one to be a friend is ultimately the same, even if almost all of those who I’d consider friends are online-only nowadays. The definition of friendship is ultimately subjective, but at the same time it also necessarily constitutes a reciprocal element. What friendship meant to me as a child was far more spontaneous and less thought out than it is now. If I lack this reciprocal element or it is superficial, I would rather call someone an acquaintance as opposed to a friend. I suggest that one should reevaluate or take time to consider what it means for one to be a friend, as many go their whole lives without thinking this, then are surprised when something that was largely a one-way street ends up blowing up in their face.